Moving My Cheese

I've recently read a book recommended by a dear friend. It was short, sweet, and definitely a good read. I will not say it was life changing, but I will say it was life affirming and life confirming, as it was another layer of confirmation that I am headed in the right direction. The book is called Who Moved My Cheese? and I highly recommend it. In short it is a parable about dealing with changes in your life, whether it be work, education, or personal. The ideas could be applied to anything. I will not spoil any part of the book, but it is a quick read (I read it in a day). It is a book I know I will read again.

It was quite timely, as my life has been full of changes in the past year or so. Changes in jobs, relationships, children, locations. Changes in how and why I craft. This book helped me to see I was already on the right path, and was already making good choices. My perspective on dealing with change and how I view it was what was affected the most. It made me stop and consider how I view change, whether it is good, bad, ugly, planned, or unexpected. 

I am and have always been a big picture kind of person, having the practice and ability to put my current situation into a bigger picture and gaining a perspective in context of other things that are occurring. A bigger picture has always helped me see that things in my life are nearly always temporary and things that happen are nearly always things that are transitory and can be overcome or lived through. Who Moved My Cheese? helped me see that yes, things are temporary, but that changes will always come and my attitude in how I deal with any change can help me grow or it can help me wither and stagnate. 

Some big changes that were quite challenging and hard and I haven't like to talk about include the total disintegration of my marriage and the loss of my home. More changes in recent years came in the form of transitioning from a well-educated happy stay-at-home mom to a well-educated struggling working mom. I was fortunate to find decent work, but the process was a challenge. All is good and will continue to be so. My family is good and we have a lot to be thankful for. In the process of all that change, my crafting life went into a hibernation of sorts, a kind of unplanned sabbatical. A necessary trimming of everything that was not necessary to bring calm and stability to my family occurred. 

Now, just now, in 2020 (and don't they say hindsight is 20/20?), I am finding a measure of calm that comes with new dreams and new directions. In the middle of this pandemic. In the middle of this quarantine. In the middle of all these life altering historical events. All things cancelled. Travel restrictions in my state, country, and globally. Mask wearing in public places. Most shopping places either closed, or highly altered. Everyone is zooming and facetiming and staying connected in the most innovative ways.....but all this is a rabbit trail. 

In the fall I will start yet another new journey, as I will begin another level in my education as a graduate student finally. I consider this an investment in myself, and no one can comprehend my level of excitement. 

I hope above all things that my children know they are loved and that I would do anything to be the best example to them. I hope to show them strength and vulnerability. I hope they see determination and contentment in me, and also the ability to adapt and change as needed. I hope they learn love and grace in dealing with each other and the world. 

Music and crafting and good friends and family have been paramount to my healing and growing process. Music and crochet are still my main escapes and coping mechanisms, and I am totally fine with that. One change since last year is that I have added music to my crafting adventures, odd as that sounds. It is often imperfect and spontaneous, but it is real and it is me. 

So much of my current life feels like coming out of a fog and finding all sorts of things that I have somehow missed along the way. These are not regrets or disappointments. They are small joys. New music. New books. New friends. All joys. I do not live a lifestyle of regret or think back to the past and wish things had been or could have been different. I am glad of all that has happened so far, good and bad, the joys and the heartbreaks. All good. All me. 

Don't laugh, but here is a song that is fairly new to me, but I love it. 

Carnival

Natalie Merchant

Well, I've walked these streets
A virtual stage, it seemed to me
Makeup on their faces
Actors took their places next to me

Well, I've walked these streets
In a carnival, of sights to see
All the cheap thrill seekers vendors and the dealers
They crowded around me

Have I been blind have I been lost
Inside myself and my own mind
Hypnotized, mesmerized by what my eyes have seen?

Well, I've walked these streets
In a spectacle of wealth and poverty
In the diamond markets the scarlet welcome carpet
That they just rolled out for me

And I've walked these streets
In the madhouse asylum they can be
Where a wild-eyed misfit prophet
On a traffic island stopped and he raved of saving me

Have I been blind, have I been lost
Inside myself and my own mind
Hypnotized, mesmerized…

Source: LyricFind

I will close with this, me singing to you. And I do ask myself:

Have I been blind?
Have I been lost?
Inside myself and my own mind?
Hypnotized, mesmerized
By what my eyes have seen
Have I been wrong?
Have I been wise?
To shut my eyes and play along?

Have I been wrong? (lots of times)
Have I been wise? (not always)
Have I been strong (yes)

These are songs from my KittenYarn page on facebook,  You can get to my main KittenYarn facebook page here. 

sending you blessings and peace and much love

Just No

I am just thinking about lots of things these days. I am thinking about how naive and trusting I've always been. How I tend to believe people when they talk to me and choose to see the best in people.

  I tend to get my heart broken and crushed and find out too late that people don't always mean what they say. It has always been a shock to me.

And yet....

I have come to a conclusion, one among many. I will not regret being gentle. I will not regret being kind. I will not regret trusting and believing and will continue to do so. I will always choose to forgive and overlook things, and I will always choose to see the best in people.

And I will not regret it. It is who I am. I may give my whole heart and have people still hurt me and walk away, but that is their choice. I can still care. I can still love. And I will.

I will still sing. I will still be thankful. I will still be glad when people are happy and doing well, and I will be sad when things are not going well. You cannot stop me from caring and loving.

You cannot stop me. Just no.

Songs in My Head- Tom Waits- Please Call Me, Baby

Tom Waits- Please Call Me, Baby

The evening fell just like a star
Left a trail behind
You spit as you slammed out the door
If this is love we're crazy
As we fight like cats and dogs
But I just know there's got to be more

So please call me, baby
Wherever you are
It's too cold to be out walking in the streets
We do crazy things when we're wounded
Everyone's a bit insane
I don't want you catching your death of cold
Out walking in the rain

I admit that I ain't no angel
I admit that I ain't no saint
I'm selfish and I'm cruel but you're blind
If I exorcise my devils
Well my angels may leave too
When they leave they're so hard to find

Please call me, baby
Wherever you are
It's too cold to be out walking in the streets
We do crazy things when we're wounded
Everyone's a bit insane
I don't want you catching your death of cold
Out walking in the rain

We're always at each others throats
You know, it drives me up the wall
Most of the time I'm just blowing off steam
And I wish to God you'd leave me
Baby, I wish to God you'd stay
Life's so different than it is in your dreams

Please call me, baby
Wherever you are
It's too cold to be out walking in the streets
We do crazy things when we're wounded
Everyone's a bit insane
I don't want you catching your death of cold
Out walking in the rain

A Nice Dream- Harry Connick, Jr. at the Schermerhorn

I rarely dream where I remember it, and if I do, I usually just have unusual or odd dreams, nothing scary, just weird. This morning I had a really nice dream right before I woke up and I wanted to write it down. At the very end of the dream me, my mom, and a bunch of kids we were accidentally chaperoning were getting a private tour of the Schermerhorn Symphony Hall in Nashville and got to sit wherever we wanted in the wings and really close to the stage to hear Harry Connick, Jr casually sing us a private concert. Only after I woke up did I realize that the stage was completely different than the stage at the Schermerhorn. I just love that symphony hall, and think it is so beautiful.

The dream started when mom and I were driving, headed back to her house. We had to take a detour because the road  to her house  was undergoing some construction (which it is right now). We stopped at an old looking gas station on a little hill to get gas, and mom was passing out $100 dollar bills to random helper people at the gas station. The lady said the bathroom was probably not working, but I really had to go, so we started walking around the gas station building to find the bathroom for ourselves. We ended up looking out a window and then going out a doorway to a quaint little town where people were having a celebration of some sort where they were dressed in old fashioned costumes and dresses. We ended up in a building with a group of kids who were going to a camp of some sort. We helped them do some volunteer work, and then at the end of the dream we got to tour the Schermerhorn Symphony Hall with Harry Connick, Jr. I don't remember the song he was singing, but he was so close and we were so near the stage. At the end I was sitting criss cross applesauce on a carpeted area near the edge of the side of the stage and was turning the flash off my camera so I could take some pics while he was singing. Good dream. The end

Here's a random Harry Connick, Jr. song I like, even though it wasn't in the dream

"We Are In Love"

I know you so well
I can tell by the sound of your voice
If you're really in love with me
And you are
You are

You know I can't lie
If I say to you 'baby, I love you'
Then baby, I love you
And I do
I do

I do... could it be that's the
Phrase you thought never would phase you
Well baby, you better hold on tight
'Cause I'm the one who's supposed to
Kneel down and propose, well alright
I might, I might

So, when I kiss you good-night
Just sleep tight with the thought that you'll
Always be caught up in love with me
And you'll dream that the stars up above
Have the answer of whether we'll be
Or whether we won't be
In love...
Well, we are,
We are