Monday, June 09, 2008

Some Day

some day I may regret all the time I sit down and rest while my babies sleep on my lap, but not today

my third child is just over a year old and it seems like the seasons of my life have flown by

who knows if we are done having children, maybe/maybe not

but if we are, then this may be the last baby I nurse

and though he may be like the others and nurse til he is over 2 years old, it still seems like a short time

it still seems like it is almost over

today in some ways it seems to have been a waste of a day

I did get the dishwasher loaded twice, and washed and dried a couple of loads of clothes

I did hang some baby blankets, sheets, and diapers up on the line to dry

I did make some blueberry and banana muffins for breakfast (so the bananas wouldn't get wasted)

I did sweep the floor and bag up the garbage and take it out

I did feed the cats, the fish (another story), and water the tomato plants

I did finally mend/sew the velcro ties back on the tent/curtains for the bottom bunk of the girls' bed (Little One was thrilled, Dancer Girl hid in there making complex plans and drawing for her new club for her friends....Barbies first, dress up next, play school.....)

But it feels so wasteful at times to sit and do "nothing" while you are nursing your babies.

Usually I have something in my hands at the same time...a book to read to the girls or to myself, some yarn and a crochet hook, a crossword puzzle book, a remote control

Not today
Today, when it was time for baby to nap, I just sat and nursed him, and mostly stared off into space (or surfed around aimlessly online...i did do the daily crossword and delete all my spam, ha)

Some day people may tell me I should have done something different with my time
Maybe I should have
It is possible I should not have let the other children watch so much TV today
I do know, however, that I cannot live continually putting pressure on myself to hurry and get this one thing done in order to get the next thing done

looking back, i guess i really did get some things done today

what is it that tells us that we are nothing if we do not accomplish everything?
what is it that tells us that we can keep and manage a hectic crazy schedule like we did when we were in high school?

the things we do for today are good ones

it is like runny/crusty noses
it doesn't matter how many times you wipe and clean it, it still looks like you never did it all

it doesn't change the fact that you have to wipe it again
but just because it gets crusty again doesn't mean you didn't do a good job gently cleaning it before

some people can manage to make it out in public places with all their crusty places hidden and just wiped

that's ok
some day babies will grow up and wipe their own noses


Motherkitty said...

Pure poetry, daughter.

I told you that you and your brood should just jump in your van and come play with us today. We had a nice time swimming this afternoon and would have enjoyed your company so much. Forget the crusty noses and housework. Next time, come play with us.

Love, mom

Tomas Dennis said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Tomas Dennis said...

Grandma that is a long way to drive. Motherkitty wants you to come everyday but I think that putting things off and driving 70 miles is quite a chore.
Thunder is booming as I write, that is something new for us this week.

Abandoned in Pasadena said...

I love it when you write from the heart. There's nothing wrong with just sitting and enjoying your time with your baby while he nurses...
besides it sounds like you already got a lot done for one day.

Yeah,yeah I know....A mother's work is never done, but mothers do deserve a break once in a while.

Kim J said...

Allison! I am just catching up on your posts and I have to tell you this one made me cry! I know exactly what you mean. Miss you and love you lots! Can't belive Natasha looks so big! xoxo, Kim