Some Day

some day I may regret all the time I sit down and rest while my babies sleep on my lap, but not today

my third child is just over a year old and it seems like the seasons of my life have flown by

who knows if we are done having children, maybe/maybe not

but if we are, then this may be the last baby I nurse

and though he may be like the others and nurse til he is over 2 years old, it still seems like a short time

it still seems like it is almost over

today in some ways it seems to have been a waste of a day

I did get the dishwasher loaded twice, and washed and dried a couple of loads of clothes

I did hang some baby blankets, sheets, and diapers up on the line to dry

I did make some blueberry and banana muffins for breakfast (so the bananas wouldn't get wasted)

I did sweep the floor and bag up the garbage and take it out

I did feed the cats, the fish (another story), and water the tomato plants

I did finally mend/sew the velcro ties back on the tent/curtains for the bottom bunk of the girls' bed (Little One was thrilled, Dancer Girl hid in there making complex plans and drawing for her new club for her friends....Barbies first, dress up next, play school.....)

But it feels so wasteful at times to sit and do "nothing" while you are nursing your babies.

Usually I have something in my hands at the same time...a book to read to the girls or to myself, some yarn and a crochet hook, a crossword puzzle book, a remote control

Not today
Today, when it was time for baby to nap, I just sat and nursed him, and mostly stared off into space (or surfed around aimlessly online...i did do the daily crossword and delete all my spam, ha)

Some day people may tell me I should have done something different with my time
Maybe I should have
It is possible I should not have let the other children watch so much TV today
I do know, however, that I cannot live continually putting pressure on myself to hurry and get this one thing done in order to get the next thing done

looking back, i guess i really did get some things done today

what is it that tells us that we are nothing if we do not accomplish everything?
what is it that tells us that we can keep and manage a hectic crazy schedule like we did when we were in high school?

the things we do for today are good ones

it is like runny/crusty noses
it doesn't matter how many times you wipe and clean it, it still looks like you never did it all

it doesn't change the fact that you have to wipe it again
but just because it gets crusty again doesn't mean you didn't do a good job gently cleaning it before

some people can manage to make it out in public places with all their crusty places hidden and just wiped

that's ok
some day babies will grow up and wipe their own noses