Tuesday, January 17, 2006

At your own risk

I find myself today hesitating to seriously think about my real feelings. I find myself hesitating to type what I really want to type. Why? Because I know who will be reading this, and I think sometimes they take things I write the wrong way, or if I type some of the hard things I am going through to get them off my chest, they will try to figure everything out for me and rescue me. But then, I try to remind myself why I blog. So, parents, don't take this the wrong way because I love you, but I write this blog for myself some days and not to entertain others. As with all people, some days are harder than others. Yesterday I had an angry day. About 4 pm I snapped, and spent the rest of the day recovering. I am drained, not feeling very funny or light-hearted. Today I am serious and contemplative. I don't need pity or rescuing or advice. I am just venting because this is my blog. I am not going to live my life afraid to write what I want to just so I won't hurt someone's feelings. I have spent most of my life keeping the peace around me, doing everything to keep everyone calm, doing everything to stop arguments, and make sure no one left. We had a great visit with all the grandparents, and I have to say that I am relieved that there were no big blow-outs or fights. To be frank, I think we were all afraid of what might happen, except for dad, because he probably wouldn't have been affected even if there was one and it involved him. So I guess I am emotionally drained. I was tense and happy going into the weekend. I was so looking forward to everything, but at the same time I was afraid. The reason I got angry yesterday has nothing to do with last weeked, and I am not going to talk about it. So don't ask. It is not a big mystery for anyone to solve. It has to do with expectations I put on myself. I am mad at myself for the person I am sometimes. It has nothing to do with being a Christian. I love being a Christian, and I will never regret my decision to follow Jesus as the Messiah. I am also overwhelmed because organizing and finding places for things is not my forte. So one of my main focuses this week will be to clean, rearrange, or reorganize to get all the Christmas presents put away. I know I will feel better when I can get back into a routine. And, then again, maybe it's all PMS. Who cares? It wouldn't help me deal with life any better if I knew that's what my problem was right now. So comment if you want to, and if you don't, it's not going to ruin my day because it's going so great already.....that said, I guess I am still angry today

btw, if you click the sign, you will go to a site with more real signs. But beware, I do not like the first one shown, and I do not like to use bad language and I don't think using bad language makes something funny. You have to scroll down to get to other ones that I thought were funny(as if you care which ones I think are funny--You can laugh at whichever ones you want--it's a free country, thank God), although I didn't take the time to look at all of them. I am not responsible for any of them that are crude and offensive...


Oreo said...

Please feel free to come to the Bible study anytime you want! And you can say whatever you like. Heather .... PS, bring that purrty kitty over to see me! Oreo

Motherkitty said...

It doesn't matter that you are still angry and upset because I love you any way you are. I will always love you because you're my daughter. Ali McGraw said in "Love Story" that "Love means never having to say you're sorry." Silly saying, but we know what it means, don't we?

Call me if you need me. If not, that's okay. (I don't always want to solve your probems -- sometimes I want you to solve mine.) I, too, am grateful your dad kept his mouth shut. For once he listened to me.

I'm sorry if you're having a couple of bad days because of PMS (which means you're probably getting pressured to "play my songs" or "press my socks" or "plant more sunflowers"). Is there a quote from the Bible that says, "This, too, shall pass."?

I'm sending you a Motherkitty hug.

Alipurr said...

to, oreo--you probably don't want to see my big fatty kitty, she's grumpy
to motherkitty--thanks for the sweet words. I have never understood the love story quote, and who knows if it is PMS. I never said it was...thanks for the hug.

Abandoned in Pasadena said...

Start another blog, in addition to this one, and stay COMPLETELY anonymous. That way you can write your heart felt feelings without offending anyone.

By completely anonymous....I mean completely anonymous with only YOURSELF knowing who you are.